The nagging loneliness has not gone away. Perhaps it's even intensified. But I'm looking at it differently.
When I started running I wanted to hold onto an accomplishment. 5ks, 10ks, half marathons. I imagined myself tearing up at the end because my accomplishment made me feel so good about myself. These things happened, mostly because I felt that they should.
However, it wasn't until I started looking at myself in the mirror when getting ready to take a shower or getting ready to go out and started smiling that I felt a true sense of accomplishment.
These thick legs that touch at the thighs? They carried me 10 miles on Sunday.
This soft-ish stomach with a little extra padding that pushes out around my hydration belt? It digested my lunch, and the dessert I can never pass up.
That zit I can't stop noticing? It is just a tiny fraction of a face that shows genuine emotions to those around me.
That loneliness that I feel hollowing inside of me? It will make the warmth of being loved feel that much warmer.
I trust in this process. The running, the crying, the trying, the breathing. I trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment